Ask Guru Gobbo #153

Truthfully, nothing ever dies on Rainbow Resort. They only stop getting cared about. I'm just gonna come out and say it -- they're garbage. I'm sorry, but it's 99% true. It's Sturgeon's Law². Put aside that most of them are wrought with poor grammar and overly ridiculous storylines. The heart of the matter is that Kirby is, as I've said here more often than not, not a story driven game. He's more focused on charm, whimsy, and gameplay. While, normally, fan fiction writers use ingenuity to fill in gaps and spaces within a series' less covered areas, Kirby is more like stringing together small specks of explained things with over-the-top situations.

The fact that Kirby is cute, round, and pink and that most fan fiction writers are brooding teenagers also doesn't help. They tend to write with a dark or edgy slant. Even with the most gruesome and diabolical that Dark Matter gets, he's still pretty bubbly. It just doesn't work. Now, something like, say, a fan comic doesn't have all that introspection and underlying thought process that makes a story serious and riveting. It can focus more on creampuffs aesthetics. That medium tends to ferry Dream Landers better.

So, what I'm saying is no. The fan fiction area is not boarded up and closed for business. It's just no one writes for Kirby, at least not here. I think I've gotten one fan fiction submission in the good few years I've been in charge of the area. It's a looser title I wear but another one in the heap regardless. I don't think it was complete garbage, but it wasn't going to be turning any heads, either. I think I just shrugged it off. Yeah, I'm a jerk. Deal with it.

Also, the entire fan fiction area is a web designer's nightmare. You need a hazmat suit to go anywhere near that thing, and that's not even considering any of the dangerous content. Psst! Dangerous means sucky!

Of course, I'm undoubtedly biased. Most any fan fiction takes a large amount of influence from the animated series and often tries crossing the two sides. Blech! Anyhoo, I've yet to see any that are even at average, but I've already delved into why writing just doesn't fit well with the whole of the Kirbyverse.

With his fits of rage, I must concur. Dream Land has him about as hard as a standard mini-boss once you realize, "Oh, I eat those stars!" Adventure doesn't add much outside of the blimping. Dream Land 3 has the king with two forms, but can it really be called just him or partially Dark Matter? Regardless, dashing, sliding, and pet possibilities ease up the battle. Squeak Squad has him as the first boss. Not really all that threatening. He's a bigger joke in Super Star. Dream Land 2 lacks all of these helpful tactics to move out of harms way faster, which normally puts you with it. Then, you have the rage -- thrown hammers, breaking stars, and tons of explosions! He's relentless.

Too bad! This is now a hot topic that will be chased down to the very end. I really don't know which it is, an M or N, since I don't own and have never played Squeak Squad let alone any Kirby title on the DS. I just take it that what's written on my alma mater is more true. It seems to pop up on the internet as both spellings. So, I must know (nuts to what y'all want), who is right? Us or them?

First, some background. The Japanese language, as you may already know, works off of, by and large, syllables. It typically goes consonant-vowel. There are not many things that end with a consonant sound. Pretty much, there's N that serves as a stand alone katakana (think Japanese letters). Now, when trying to fit this language to, say, English, some modifications are made. The vowel-termination doesn't fit well with this tongue. How many words in this sentence along end with a consonant? Normally, an O or U is just stuck to the end of the word, like Meta Naito. However, for more blended sounds, there's commonly substitutions. For example, a trailing M sound is often just switched out for N. A good example is Mr. P. Umpkin (Misutaa Pii Anpukin). Now, this big brick of metal, regardless of his Americanized name, is Metalun. Now, a matter of interpretation and translation could change that N to an M. The same happens for an enemy like Climb. Bad translation can lead that name to be interpreted as "Crimp".

Well, after researching the matter (since, apparently, getting a correct name is something that Rainbow Resort often has to bother with), the true name of the metal mammoths is -- ... I don't know! Conclusively, I can't find anything that says who-is-who in Squeak Squad. There's no name by the life meters while fighting, and the credits don't have a role call. Frankly, I can't tell how it was ever found out that Eibun got the name of Bun.

Regardulus, I'm confident in declaring that I am a jackass. The name is written with an N, best I can tell. The name is written as Metalum in one source, the Squeak Squad Enemy page while it has two sources as being Metalun, one being Kirby Wikia and the second being Kirbypedia? Yeah, that's right. This site contradicts itself. The game pages are made so early on, normally before all information is even known about the Japanese release (for example, Metalun not having a name) let alone the English release, and are rarely corrected over time that they become artifacts. Kirbypedia was made with all English names in tact, something that puzzled others and myself for a good while as I was only familiar with those listed on the game page. Why, there was a question about out this mismatch in namings presented here.

Back on track, many people believe that it's spelled with an M. Metalum is a huge plague across the internet since, of course, most people just took whatever name we pushed as fact. We called the Metal mini-boss with an M, and his little counterpart inherited the bane. People just kept on dragging that usage out. That's a testament to the power of the Resort, tho', huh? Propagating lies! I've never played the game. I've never seen anything to say otherwise, so I had no idea this wasn't right. However, whoops, look like I'm an ass, and it is spelled N. 'Pologies, Blue. This wouldn't be the first time a game page's spelling has steered me wrong. Why, I still don't know off-hand if Foley or Fallie is the proper name of the new Bomb foe. And that's why I assert that I have no right dealing with games or matters that I've never played.

1) Obviously, he can't. The origins of the cake are unknown, as to who made it or where the rest of it is. If he could get more easily, then he would have. However, it's also a matter of pride. No one takes nothin' from the glorious glutton of Pop Star no time!

2) As I just spent a lot of time talking about last time (and said I'd behead anyone who asked more questions on it), Kirby Wii is, in fact, a real game. It's just in "developmental hell". There's a game called Duke Nukem Forever that was in this state from 1997 to 2009, twelve years! That's double the time Kirby's game has been in limbo. Kirby is not the type of character to try and make any sort of hype with or about. Also, they've released, what, two games during this time? It's not a stunt, no way no how. They're just really dragging their feet on it. With that said, beheading goes back into effect on the Wii title matter.

And, for the record, they just made another announcement at the end of October of the game supposedly still being on for a 2009 release... still without a solidified title. Expectations are low.

3) Have you met Kirby? He kinda eats everything possible.

1) No. No, just no. No. Bad nerd. Bad. This matter has already been discussed. It's been dragged out behind the barn and had a bullet put between its eyes. The only reason that wretched "&future anyone" theory wasn't blasted to smithereens the first time I got it was because I couldn't find the source that said Galacta Knight is from the past. That's 'cuz it's the pause screen flavor text. NOVA doesn't say it, so many people never see this (and I can't find any video or screen captures of it). He's from the past. Back in the day. Old news. Long ago. Ancient. Stop with these heinous theories, people. This is an actual game's storyline, not your pathetic fan fictions. Stuff like that doesn't happen ever.

2) No, I'm pretty sure he just means it more like bringing Galacta Knight back into the world. He was, after all, removed from it, so the greatest warrior of all time is being brought into being again. It was probably just poor word choice on the part of the translators. Never trust English, kiddies!

Explained. In Kirby. Hah! That's funny. Really, tho', no. Even in interspecies comparison, Ado to the visiting Samus Aran, the Dream Land 3 mangas point out how one looks nothing like the other despite both being human, regardless of their age differences. I mean, Ado is about up to the hunter's knee cap. That doesn't really add up, either.

But the deal with Ado is that you're not supposed to care. I love how many things are just answered, truthfully, with a "Do you think they put this much thought into it?" Everything in the games is short and round. Ado was put in as tribute to the cherished artist who did the phenomenal pictures for the game. Now, they couldn't have some titan who towered over everyone, so they dwarfed her and said, "She's, uh, visiting from Earth. To study... art?" When the whole of a title revolves around chasing cake, this type of explanation is supposed to be enough.

Now, there are theories to otherwise. Technically, it's never said in the games that Ado is from Earth. Of course, nothing is said explicitly in those, be it informative or at all. She could be some type of pixie like Poppy Bros. or the Ripple Fairies by all reasoning. The mangas, however, which are a lot closer a companion to the series than, say, the animated series, explain her origins more. Of course, again, "explain" is that single simple sentence about her just studying there.

Less accepted theories, by which I mean garbage I'm just making up to give some sort of answer, is that the gravity is much more potent on Pop Star than at Earth. Thus, all shapes are compacted into squat forms. Yes, like in Phantasm. What better way to explain the on-goings in a colorful world than with a comparison to a series of horror movies?

Pretty much the same thing any other fan site offers -- a community and atmosphere dedicated to the fandom in question. Inability to draw doesn't mean you couldn't enjoy other fan works by other members. I would batch writing in there, but fan fictions have been all but dead for a few years now.

1) Uh, yeah. Kirby's stomach is another dimension.

2) There's two ways of looking at it. The creatures in the mirror are either evil copies manufactured by Dark Mind or they're just plain ol' Dream Landers since, technically, the Mirror is in Dream Land. It matters on one's definition of where the evil reach of Dark Mind begins, in the skybound mirror or the inner Dimension Mirror. Since they never say, and it's really impossible to discern such from the information given (none), and since it doesn't matter, take your pick.

3) The attack would sorta be led in a short, looping path. Not much of a way to conquer anything outside of this few foot path.

It's hard enough finding anything on this short since it came out so recently, and it certainly hasn't been enough time for anything much to surface on its future. No one can say whether it will get fan subbed/dubbed since that lies in the hands of someone with spare time. I don't know what they're doing or if they will do it. Predicting that is like calling red on roulette.

Anyhoo, my hunch is that this is not make an American transition. The thing is basically super Japanesy, and no matter how otaku the States gets, I don't think the masses will be as clamoring for this. I don't believe there is enough of a fan base to satisfy with the feat. Pretty much, anyone who would want to see it already has, albeit in Japanese.

1) And by "All I can find" you obviously mean "not really looking". I'm not critiquing your in depth game playing ability, no. This is an attack on basic paying attention. The entire definition for all that defines a large enemy was not only directly linked to on the Oversized Opponent's Guideline page but duplicated in one of the rules. Obviously, someone wasn't reading what they were supposed to do. Don't feel bad. I don't think anyone reads those. Frankly, I'm surprised I don't get pets sent in for half of these things.

Anyhoo, Large enemies truly do inhabit their own classification within the games. There are plenty of normal baddies that can't be inhaled or have some other oddity about them, but these guys follow a complete set of rules. First, there is, of course, the size. Next, like you said, is the inhaling. This point is very well known since it was one of the details about the game outward leaked before its release. Sadly, it's one of the only traits the tiny titans are known for. It really goes in line with their other features -- immunity to weak attacks. The air bullet, the slide kick, and crashing headbutts just bounce off them, much like they do to mini-bosses. All of these traits combined add up to one thing: the player cannot simply mow on through them.

Enemies in Kirby games tend to not embody much of a threat. There's an endless number of ways to kill them. Literally, you can blow on them, and they die. However, if a haphazard attitude is taken when confronted with a larger foe, trouble is afoot. If not packing a power (who even does that?), they turn into a hurtle. It's difficult to get them eaten in time before they strike, and if no other ammo is around to lob at them, there's no other means to destroy them. Of course, most players never reach this dilemma as they're too busy Final Cutting the giants in two. It's merely another speed up to add strategy to the game, although only beginning gamers, those the titles are actually designed for, probably roll over them as opposed to just going around.

2) Mostly, I believe, speed. Spark has a bit longer of a lag period to it before it releases. Also, while possibly unlikely, Spark works actually by tossing out little shots. It's possible, methinks, for something to get through this. Needle is a lot quicker in the draw, both out and in. Spark can be a lot more difficult to, say, use in the air over a cliff. Aerial use is rarely considered. Also, rarity is a factor. Freeze doesn't come up too often, and takes a few levels to even be possible to get. Of course, not all abilities are balanced. Sometimes, ones just aren't as good. Hammer is mostly identical and better than Sword outside of a little bit of reach for a lot more clobberin' power.

1) Of all the Kirby games, he appears in twenty as the star, he plays a part in twenty-three if you count the Super Smash Bros. series. If you toss in the canceled ones, you'd be up to twenty-five. Top it off with the cherry known as Kirby Wii, and you get twenty-six games with the puff. And, if you feel like it, Kid Kirby

2) Backdrop is king now and forever. It's the Christ of Copies! Too blasphemous? Anyhoo, that's why it's Squeaky's go-to ability in the wrestling themed Tuesday Knight Titans. Hock, hock!

3) The first episode. It killed all hope I had.